Positive Vs. Negative

If I had to put my finger on what I did that helped me mentally to lose over 200 pounds, it would be that I embraced positive thinking instead of negative, for the first time in my life.  I had no idea I was doing something effective for myself; I did it to survive the battle ahead of me.

It is so very hard to think positively when your life is downtrodden with insults and obscenities being hurled your way daily.  Living with the negative comments, suspended from my teaching position, my evenings at Syracuse University gone, and forced to adjust to an empty house, made my life almost unbearable.

Most people are misinformed about the state of mind obese people walk around in. Saying they are “unhappy”, is only the tip of the iceberg. My house became my refuge, but nothing protected me from my thoughts.  

Equally as crippling as the circumstances I was in, was the feeling of hopelessness I had to contend with every time I was around food.  I wanted to be strong and not give in, but the addiction took over, and then I become miserable that I yielded to it and gave in to it. It is as if there are two sides to me; one side wanting to be thin as much as the other side wants to keep eating.  I lived with all of the above for over 30 years.

Part of the reason why I was able to change my thinking was because I was not sure I was going to survive physically with some of the things I started doing.  The first time I was in an aerobic class weighing 300 pounds, I looked at the clock and told myself, “You only have to endure this for 5 minutes. If you are still alive in 5 minutes, you can do this every day.”  That was the beginning of thinking positive. 

When I went to the park and took up walking, I immediately experienced the same pains I felt in the aerobic class.   I kept telling myself, “If you can walk to the same bench you walked to yesterday, you can survive this too!.”  When I went to a celebration that that would be loaded with tempting foods, I looked at my watch and said, “You can endure this for 1 hour, be polite, and then leave.”  At meetings when everyone around me was munching on donuts or bagels, I told myself, “You can do this.  It will go away.  You are stronger than any bagel or donut here.”

The grand moment of my own  inner strength taking control of the power food had on me, came when my son didn’t come and pick up a loaf of bread I baked him. It was hot out of the oven, baked by hand, with all the grains and seeds I love.  It was me and that piping hot bread staring at each other, eye-to-eye. I picked up my knife, and yelled the swan song of my life to it.  “One of us has the brains, and one of us is just flour. I have the power to do things, but you my friend will always be a loaf of bread.  You have got to go.” I picked up my knife and hacked it to death, hacking away piece by piece, of yet another weak piece of myself. 

Slowly, a pattern emerged; I kept telling myself I could do it, and I did just that.  I still do that today.  It doesn’t go away.  Food struggles are still an issue for me.  What has changed is the power of thinking positive to help me get over the next never-ending hurdle I will be facing.  I start telling myself I can do it, I tell myself I can survive, and then I do just that.  Try that technique the next time you are feeling despair over the whole situation. It works!